When I was in the mission during my immersion year, a lay missionary introduced me to a book “what’s so amazing about grace.” It says that God’s grace is amazing because despite human weaknesses and limitations, God continually showers us with His blessings. He loves us unconditionally. He loves us and forgives us always. That's what's so amazing about grace. And as followers of Jesus, we are invited to do the same, to love others with no conditions.
My final profession and ordination to the Diaconate on December 15 certainly make me say that indeed God’s grace is amazing. God has been with me in the joys and challenges in the formation even when times that I failed to recognize Him.
While preparing for this important event in my life and the lives of my brother Indonesians, many things come to mind. I was worried when the cards were not yet done. Sometimes even during classes, my mind is preoccupied with the many things that have to be looked into; the liturgy, the choir, the powerpoint for songs, the visitors. But behind these external preparations, deep within my heart is praising. But I can’t thank God enough through my words. And so I’m hoping and praying that I would be able to thank Him through a life of gratitude because of His amazing grace every single day of my life.
Several years ago I painted a face of a man with his hands covered on it. The painting symbolized my emotions caused by the death of my mother. I was angry to God but I was ashamed to show it. I was ashamed to tell Him how painful it was seeing my mother “tortured” by cancer. I was also ashamed of myself. I thought I knew God from my studies in College and from the seminary. But the God that I experienced with what happened to my mother was different from the God that I learned. I had difficulty reconciling my mind and heart.
This painting caught my attention a few days ago. It’s like a scar. But unlike my gloomy feelings when I painted it, my emotions now are of gratitude and love. The painting is like a scar that reminds me not of pain and sorrow, but of God’s love that silently, constantly, and deeply surrounded me even those times when I was rock bottom. I could not have survived without Him. He seems to say now that despite my limitations and struggles, my loneliness and frustrations, He loves me and calls me to be His own. The painting becomes a reminder of God’s presence in my life even in the most difficult times.
Back to the present, I realized how fast the days have passed. I’ve been here in SAT, now SATMI, for almost 5 years already, but it seems like it was just yesterday. Many things have changed; people came and went, some were ordained, others changed course. Davao city have also changed a lot. But the greatest evidence of the changes along the years is my hair. No need to explain here why. ;)
Time runs so fast and so as changes. And with all the changes that happened in my life, last year I decided to put to mind to live one day at a time. It’s a great effort for me. I always tend to live either in the past or in the future. But having conscious of the blessings each day makes me somehow lessens my past and future-oriented mind. I learned to savor moments. I learned to appreciate each day and welcome new things and changes.
The mass and the liturgy of the final profession and ordination will only take a little more than an hour, but it will definitely be the start of the new chapter of my life. And like any other stories whether fiction or real, new chapter means change. And I welcome change with trust in God.
I love art, may it be music, dance, photography, or painting. After all life itself is an art. One of the many things that I learned in my journey in the formation is that loving others is an art, a difficult art. It may take a lifetime to learn this wonderful art, but this is the only way to follow Jesus.
To all of you who have been part of my formation, thanks so much for your support and prayers. May God grants you His promise of a hundred-fold for your understanding and love. God’s love is amazing. “Amazing grace, how sweet the sound,” as the song says. I pray that I may be able to share His love to others through my words and actions. It’s difficult. It’s easier said than done. This is the greatest challenge in this kind of life. But I‘ll take it one day at a time.
I’m now towards the end of my initial formation, and I can say that the road is as important as the destination. Each day is precious. Each day has its own unique blessings. Many changes will come the coming days and weeks. “Life is a constant flux,” as the philosopher Heraclitus had said. But one thing remains - God’s amazing love.
-(Shaun)
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