If you think that culture shock only happens in a foreign country, then think again! After only a year back in dear ol’ Davao, it was time for us to pack our bags once again and head o the wonderful world outside to ‘test our skills’ and ‘sharpen our swords’. Nope, we are not going into the native Amazon jungle, but yes, we are heading off for our Pastoral year back into the comfort of our own country, or so we think …
We had a little break once we got back to Singapore/Malaysia, had a month of community visits and finally settled down in Kuala Lumpur to start our 10 weeks long Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE) program. I was personally very excited as I have not had the chance to really work or experience any form of pastoral interaction in my own country. The opportunity to really talk to the people, getting to know the local context, and to look deep into my own self all at once in this program was indeed very exciting for me.
But soon, the initial excitement turned into hard work and frustration. Loads upon loads of assignments started to be piled on us, and we seemed to be using every single breathing moment working on papers. The visits were filled with anxiety as I struggled to fine tune my ‘pastoral care’ for the patients. I had one thousand and one things going on in my mind when I spoke to the patients,as I tried to find the right words to say and figuring out the right gesture to show my concern. Luckily , it was only a phase, soon, I sort of had a better grasp of things, and everything started to fall into place, and that’s when I started to have time to sit back and reflect.
One of the most surprising realization I had was the fact that I actually know very little of the reality in my country. As I took time to talk to people of various walks in the hospital, I started to see the concerns and the issues happening around the place. I realized that in reality, nothing is ever perfect or ideal. There were cracks in the harmony that was presented, there were danger lurking in the peaceful outward presentation. People were worried of the state of the country; they were worried of safety, of economical stability, of racial tension, of the future of the country. On the other hand, I was also pleasantly surprised by the optimism that was shared by some. My one-sided perception of racial tension was altered as I met beautiful people of other races who opened up their hearts and shared with me in deep fraternal bond. My fear of religious unrest was soothed when people of other faith dialogued with me in deep sincerity. I was somewhat touched and edified. This was the first time that all my idealistic view of my country, our races and our religion was altered and readjusted with ground-level interaction and dialogue, and that was to me a truly enlightening journey.
That aside, the unending processing of verbatim and other self awareness reports had also helped me understand myself better. I learnt a lot in the manner I deal with people, and managed to ‘field test’ a lot of methods to dialogue with people more effectively. One important thing I learnt of myself is that it is very difficult to have a good conversation when you have your own agendas building in your own mind. When before the other finished what he/she has to say, you already have all the response prepared in your mind, then you have lost the ability to truly listen and to know what the other really wanted to express. As I worked on this art of listening, I realized that actually most people don’t really need me to talk much. All I need to do is to show that I am truly listening, and people will (almost miraculously) open up and pour out their inner world to me. It was truly an amazing realization for me. I never knew that by just keeping silent I could get so much out of the others. I almost felt like I have gained a new super-power, and I can’t wait to get back out into the real world to try out these new found abilities
Of course, tough as it is, the CPE is not constantly all work and no play. We did have some very enjoyable moments with our midterm break where we went up to Genting highlands and ran wild like little kids again. We also had some interactions with the casts and crew of “The Reluctant Saint Musical” (another long story for another day), and finally we had quite an exciting time towards the end planning our own graduation and saying goodbye to all whom has helped us during our stay.
The 10 weeks flew by in a flash. Before we knew it, it was gone. But for all of us, it was definitely a precious time of self awareness and personal growth. As we packed our bags up again and headed off to our respective mission community, we brought along with us the joys and the learnings of this wonderful time. We have managed to arm ourselves with better ammunition and shield, and now we are ready to head into the world and face the giants. Mission immersion…. HERE WE COME! (-Terence)
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